I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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