I wanna bring you to show and tell
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
