The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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