thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
