I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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