We won't sleep together?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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