Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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