can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
