its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
