i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
