I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
