at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
