I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
