You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
