why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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