Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
