let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
