Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
