But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
