Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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