sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
