Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
