Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
