you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
