Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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