I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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