I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
