Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
