i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
