just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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