But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
