Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
