Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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