p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
