How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
