I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
