if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
