sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
