I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
