You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
