guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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