i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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