all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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