dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
