Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
