remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
