toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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