Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
