You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
