So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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