***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
